The kindest teachers aren’t always the ones who say yes

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The kindest teachers aren’t always the ones who say yes. Children need clear, safe boundaries in order to trust us.

A child can feel just as unsafe with a passive teacher who doesn’t set clear boundaries as they can with an aggressive teacher who yells and sets harsh ones. Because neither one feels safe.

Passive: The child is left wondering, Who is actually in charge here? Will you hold this boundary if I push against it?

Aggressive: The child learns, The boundary might be held, but I don’t feel safe with the person holding it.

Assertive: My teacher is calm. My teacher is clear. My teacher means what she says. And I am safe with her even when I’m upset.

That’s our job. Our job is to set the boundary.

Their job might be to have feelings about it. They might cry. They might get angry. They might protest. They might really, really wish we would change our minds.

And our job isn’t to make those feelings disappear by removing the boundary. Our job is to hold the boundary AND hold them through the feelings that come with it.

“You really wanted another turn. It’s hard to stop. It’s time to go.” “You’re so angry. I won’t let you hit.” “You don’t want to clean up. I hear you. It’s still time to clean up. I will help you out the blocks in the box now.”

Children don’t need us to avoid boundaries to feel loved. They need to trust that we can calmly and confidently hold them.

That’s not harsh. That’s safety. #connectedclassroom #childledlearning